Half asleep, I just found myself holding my toothbrush under the soap dispenser somehow thinking it was toothpaste. Whoopsie.
Sat on a bench at the beach with my nose in my phone, waiting for my parents to come back with chips. An elderly couple approached me and asked me politely if they could share the seat with me, as I looked up I saw my parents coming back, and apologetically explained to them that my family are coming back. They understood and walked off. I looked around, now aware of the world around me, and there are 5 EMPTY benches around me…
… I think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in disguise just tried to kidnap and adopt me..
The Perfect Guide
If you don’t know what a selfie is then there is no hope left for you in this world. So I’ll be jumping right in.
A good selfie requires that:
1. You need to be self-aware. Or have a nice face. Or at least, think you have a nice face. Or most probably just be delusional, obnoxious, vain and a self righteous prick/bitch. (depending on your gender).
2. You need to own a smart phone, preferably one that can flip the screen around so that you can see how to pull the most idiotic expression you can come up with, before capturing it for everyone to laugh at. And it needs to be a decent smart phone for nothing says: “I’m trying too hard” like a low resolution picture. And remember if all else fails you can even use a mirror, but please be aware of what might be lurking…
View original post 578 more words
I love my job at GAME (retail), but this list is SPOT ON. Feel free to comment about your own experiences!
A new law should be put in place: ‘Before you can complain about your retail experience, you have to work in it first’. People who’ve never worked in a shop simply can’t get a handle on what an absolute ballache it is. There are some good things about it, the camaraderie, the staff discount…that’s probably it.
To be fair, no two days in retail are alike, every day comes with a new raft of problems to deal with. So when you’re settling down for a 9-hour shift on checkouts, take comfort in the fact that you’ll probably be facing a fresh bunch of idiots than every day. Yippee.
1. People complaining about how expensive things are
2. Then trying to haggle with you
3. Being the only one on tills when there’s a mile-long queue
4. Pretending to be sorry when you really couldn’t care less
5. Having to stay after the shop shuts because some idiot can’t decide what to buy
6. People misusing the phrase ‘false advertising’
If an item has the wrong price on it, there’s no legal obligation for the store to sell it at that price. It’s not false advertising, it’s just human error, all they have to do is correct the price.
7. People asking you if they have ‘it’ in stock in another store
8. Being late for your lunch because some other chump was late for theirs
9. Having to deal with the capitalist riots that are sales
10. Looking high and low for a barcode you know doesn’t exist
11. Dealing with head office under any circumstances
12. Having your cheery greeting met with utter indifference
13. Hearing the ‘I just printed it this morning’ joke for the millionth time when checking a £50 note
14. Being blamed by a customer for their own inability to read several very clear signs indicating that this is a cash-only till
15. Checking the rota and seeing you’re down for Sunday…again!
16. Doing a short shift that feels like a full day
17. Seeing that regular pain-in-the-arse customer walk through the door
18. Customers thinking they know more about YOUR JOB than you
19. Being called by your first name and getting thoroughly creeped out
20. Having to maintain composure in the face of overwhelming stupidity or rudeness
21. You know what? Customers. Customers are the problem
Miley Cyrus attended the Amsterdam MTV EMA’s this weekend, sporting a semi-transparent body suit and a camel knuckle. She made sure to parade around her new found controversial persona, lighting a spliff when receiving her award, “twerking” in the face and grabbing the breasts of a PVC coated dwarf during her performance. More shocking than her performance, was her award for having the “Best Music Video” for her song “Wrecking Ball”, which consists of her simply taking off her clothes, riding a wrecking ball and licking various tools. This pretty much lacks creativity from anyone’s perspective, yet seems to be a hit with the MTV Awards. Niki Minaj “Starships” was the awards predecessor.
So why is it that video’s like these are claimed to be “best music videos” when they contain no narrative or anything, being not only crude within images and wardrobe, but in its lack of creativity and imagination. In my eyes a music video should have a relation to the meaning of a song, to be able to establish a meaning within a song and share this to the audience visually. What makes these so special?
Guess the mystery speaker!:
“My job is so unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel in the crown has got to be that stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work.
He probably hasn’t been sober any time in the last ten years, and he’s only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big bloody dog to work.
Every bloody day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald’s and Burger King, every single fucking day.“